WONDERRRGIRL

So annoyed with changes and last minute stuff, 

and when people don’t reply. or reply but just simply don’t reply the question people are asking. Like can’t tell they’re urgent meh. 

I mean it’s bad enough that everyone is inconvenienced by one. 

@.@ 

Sour smelling tastes~ why would anyone like that? Yuck.

Its too good now but I’m not sure how long that’s gonna last.
But if we are happy who cares about anything else?

Two weeks has gone by so quickly and I guess I’m more positive now about how time will fly past faster and quicker than I think.

And soon, YES. soon. 

I wish I have no responsibilities, nobody asks me for anything, and I don’t know any languages so nobody can ask me to do anything either. Unfortunately that’s not gonna happen. 

 Maybe at this moment, only unnie could understand the extent of my weariness. 

We could have gone on to play, do our own thing, get some healthy activities going, exercise, live peacefully, without all of this. Answer to no one, do our own thing, buy our own stuff, and ignore everything. Just really have fun. 

It’s no fun, when you have to help Person A B C D F G H E I F x 1000000000, answer to that Person K L M N O P Q R S T U x 100000000 and everyone’s like, “GET THIS FUCKING THING DONE FOR ME NOW NOW NOW” 

or “TRANSLATE THIS NOW! I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT!! NOW NOW NOW” 

Yeah, kinda pisses you off really. When you don’t understand a language, you need to learn to wait. Because if you don’t like to wait, then learn the language. It’s what I did. I hate waiting. I hate being dependent on other people. So I fucking learnt the language. 

Oh I’m not talking about the majority of people of course… most people are nice. It’s just a few of those who think we owe them something. 

All I can say is, my true feelings now is dark and murky and I wish I could leave, I wish there was nothing left to hold me on to this. 

That’s why I want to go to Korea quickly - where people can’t contact me easily, where nobody can ask me anything (there’s always the oh! connection issues! sorry!) and no interruption, rude demands, and stress. 

When will it be possible to just watch a concert or enjoy HJ, without having to deal with all this shit? People who treat HJ like object, treat people like an object with a certain value. People who measure others in terms of their value to them. “Valuable” = keep!! Protect from others. Hide it away.

“Useless” = Chuck it. Not worth tolerating. 

Everyone would think it’s good to be “valuable”.

However, it will be shocking to know how many times I wish to belong to the “useless” category. 

Let me move to Korea, delete my number and live without having to listen to unnecessary demands for my energy, abilities and time. 

I do not owe anyone anything. 

FFFFFF-uck this really. 

On a brighter note, I’m happier now, and this is just a rant earlier. 

Ahlia sent me a photo of herself to cheer me up. She hates taking photos of herself, but she knew I love to take photos of her. So … I really appreciate this small gesture. Thankfully there is always her whom I could count on. If there is anyone in the world whom I can trust fully that they will care for me sincerely 100% without a doubt in this fandom, it is Ahlia. 

I wish that one day, I can take her out of this, and she can live happily, healthily… and freely. 

Lately I’m getting tired with fandom. 

I think it’s obvious, from how slow I write my FA and how I just don’t come on twitter often anymore, or bother to care what’s going on.

Yet I’m still busy everyday, communicating with the Chinese fans regarding the FM. 

And I’m not even going. 

Seriously after this FM, I can finally rest and wash my hands off all of this. 

I can go to Korea and start a new life. 

What does the phrase “I miss you” meant? 

And the whole “there’s no reason to why I miss you.” 

What was that all about? 

It’s good to know that there is someone you care about who thinks about you at random moments, who says they miss you, who suddenly pops up to share bits of their lives, and to have the confidence to do it even though they might not know if we REALLY want to know or not. To have this comfortable relationship where one can really just share and say whatever they want to each other at any point of time. 

It’s a rare thing. 

This comfort. This level of comfort.